Thomas Marvin Stidham

Thomas Marvin Stidham, 78, conducted his final coda October 1 at Bridge Haven in Lawrence. He was born December 31, 1940, in Sylva, North Carolina, the son of Joe and Lois Stidham. Tom grew up with brother Charles (DeeDee) and sister Sally Clair (Earl). He attended school in Lake Placid, Florida where grade cards often remarked that “Tommy ate a good lunch”. After graduating from Lake Placid High School, Tom attended the University of Florida where he received a BFA in 1962 and a M.Ed in 1965. He returned to Lake Placid High School in 1962 where he began his band directing career and married the “preacher’s daughter”, Linda Spillman on June 14, 1963. They recently celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.

Tom was Director of Bands at Paxon Senior High School in Jacksonville, FL , Georgia Southern College in Statesboro, GA and Baylor University in Waco, TX. He arrived at the University of Kansas in 1975 to assist his friend, Robert E. Foster, in administering the KU Band and Midwestern Music Camp programs. Tom was involved in every aspect of the KU Band program until his retirement in 2012. For many years, he organized the KU Band Day and was also the longtime director of the men’s basketball band. Trombone was his instrument and he played many professional gigs but was also in demand as a guest conductor and clinician.

Tom believed in f-words – faith, family and food. He was a committed Christian and lived his faith everyday with everyone he met. He was a member of the First Southern Baptist Church and served many years as the Director of Music.
One could not spend much time with Tom, without seeing how proud he was of his family. He bragged about them shamelessly! He worked into nearly any conversation that his wife Linda, was a dedicated and talented teacher; first born Mark had a wonderful natural musical talent; Tom shared a passion for football with Coach son Scott and if you darkened the doors of St. Luke’s hospital in KC, you could be sure that he would have his favorite nurse, daughter Marci, drop by your room.
When he arrived at KU, the KU Band instantly became part of his extended family. He maintained an open door policy and it was rare not to find a student, staff member or faculty member sitting in a chair by his desk, gaining his undivided attention. He always had time to listen and had a strong desire to solve other people’s problems. It was not unusual to hear him say to both male and female band students, “You look like I need a hug”! His sense of humor framed everything that he did and he was one of those rare folks that enjoyed laughing even when he was the brunt of the joke. Storytelling was his forte and he practiced it often to the delight of his audience.

Tom loved to cook and delighted in having a houseful of people to feed. He was accomplished with a grill and smoker and was proud to be a certified KCBS barbecue judge. Holidays will not be the same without a turkey and/or ham smoked by Tom.
His home-made ice cream was unrivaled and favorites such as chocolate pecan, cinnamon, tutti fruitti, and peppermint were enjoyed after many a meal in his home.

Tom held professional memberships in ABA, KBA, TBS, KKPsi, CBDNA, NBA and The Friday Night Club.

Tom is survived by his soul mate Linda, sons Mark (Mary Cello) and Scott (Stacy) and daughter Marci (Dave) and grandchildren, Landry, Nolan, Nash, Chloe, Kennedy, Abigale and Caroline.

The family suggests in lieu of flowers that memorial gifts be made to the Tom Stidham KU Band Scholarship fund sent in care of: KU Endowment, 1891 Constant Ave., Lawrence, KS 66047 and may be sent in care of Warren-McElwain Mortuary, 120 W. 13th Street, Lawrence, KS 66044.

The family would like to express immense gratitude to the staff at Bridge Haven and Avalon Hospice for the professional and loving care that Tom received during his months there. He went there as “the new guy” and left as family.

A Celebration of Life will be held at the First Southern Baptist Church, 4300 W 6th, on October 12, 2019. A Visitation will be held from 12:30 – 2:00 p.m. and service at 2:00 p.m.

For more information or to post a condolence go to warrenmcelwain.com.

Tom often expressed a desire to be buried at sea but as an avid Jayhawk, in the end donated his body to KU Medical Center. A life well lived.

36 Condolences

  1. Kit and JoAnne Royer on October 3, 2019 at 12:20 pm

    Linda, you were my first hero, as well as my favorite counselor at Camp Denton, and I loved your dad, probably more than my own. You were both such a grand example of how I wanted to live (I didn’t know your mom as well since she didn’t preach to me like your dad did). He was the first pastor I can remember. David would have been more like my brother, but I had enough of them.
    I played with the Senior Band first time for yours and Tommy’s graduation. I was so excited and remember it vividly. You are both so special and I am sorry you must continue this journey as only one half. Praise God, he will be there to greet you.



  2. Doug and Barbara Rich on October 3, 2019 at 1:01 pm

    Linda, Mark, Scott, Marci & Family-
    We feel so honored and blessed to have been a part of Tom’s extended family. So many memories of Tom fill my thoughts and heart. You can’t help the sad feelings of loss, but knowing the laughter and joy he brought daily to those around him can only brighten a day. Tom’s servant heart and love for his Savior, family and friends could be seen and felt by anyone who spent time with him. Doug mentioned his Christmas Choir rehearsal meal leading up to the Christmas Cantata. This meal included Chalupas and ice cream. This kind of food can’t be found at a restaurant . This will be on our menu next week in fond memory, maybe a little barbecue as well. Please know that our love and prayers are with each of you.



  3. Mary Elder on October 3, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    Loved having him as band director at my time at KU! (1985-tuba). He will be greatly missed, but I am glad to have known him! Many condolences to his family and all his loved ones!



  4. Stephen Hewitt on October 3, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    Mr. Stidham’s influences on his students will be felt for generations. He will be greatly missed.



  5. Nat Harwell on October 3, 2019 at 3:37 pm

    Words will never express how much Louise and I love Tom, and by extension, his family. The experiences he gave me as a band student at Georgia Southern way back, including introducing me to my future wife… playing for Bob Hope twice as the great comedian introduced to the crowd “…my good friend, Tom Stidham…” and so much more. I need a hug. But I cherish the ones I got…



  6. Sara Kelly on October 3, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    I want to thank you all for sharing such an amazing man with us! Mr. Stidham made my time at KU so wonderful and I will forever remember my time traveling with him, discussing BBQ, and getting a hug that made everything better. I will be there in spirit, but know that I carry his memory in my heart and mind.



  7. Bob Duffer on October 3, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    Linda and family,
    I was one of those that occasionally found myself sitting in Tom’s office when I was working on my Master’s. Sometimes for collaboration on the halftime show, sometimes just for coffee (and maybe a doughnut), friendship, and to listen to some band recording, and sometimes for a friendly ear for sage advice. Tom was always a role model for any aspiring band director to come through the KU band portals as someone who was always there for the students. As others have said, Tom will be missed by many.



  8. Beth Cross on October 3, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    Linda,
    I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family at this time if sorrow. Tom is renewed and in the arms of our savior.
    God Bless



  9. Ed Bartley on October 3, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    Linda and Stidham Family.. I am so glad you shared your lives with the Bartleys… your Tom was better than special to each of my children…Pam, Ethan and Tristan and to Tammy.. we have shared so many years.. May God continue to Bless you at this very difficult time and please know we love each of you..



  10. Joe Hooks on October 3, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Joe Hooks
    There’s a whole army of former students here in Georgia from back in his days at Ga. Southern that loved him. He had a big heart. Beside being a great musician and teacher he was a mentor and friend.



  11. Will Biggs on October 3, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Linda,
    Thank you so much for sharing Mr. Stidham with us. He was an example that all of us should strive to follow. I know I do! Prayers for you and your family.



  12. Tom Stallworth on October 3, 2019 at 9:55 pm

    Linda and family,
    Knowing Tom was a great honor and joy. He brought compassion and humor into almost every situation. He loved the Lord and the church and found a variety of ways to honor the Lord through music. I look back fondly on the many times we sat together and planned worship. I think we learned from each other and I know we were blessed in the time we shared.



  13. Kate Lohmann, KU BME class of 2000 on October 3, 2019 at 11:32 pm

    As a Lawrence kid, Mr. Stidham was an early and often influence on my life since I started in band in 5th grade. I have many wonderful memories of Midwestern Music Camp with him. I was always glad to have him as a conductor because I knew the music would be great and the rehearsals would be wonderful fun. Everyone loved him and would never let him down.

    Later at KU as a baby Music Ed major, I vividly remember him teaching our first conducting class and how fun it was and how much I learned.
    It’s hard for me to picture his face without a smile because I honestly can’t think of a time when it wasn’t there.

    I no longer teach music, but I love it and Tom Stidham is one of the reasons I love it. And even now that I’m in my 40’s and college is an increasingly distant memory, occasionally something will spark a memory of him and it makes me smile.

    My deepest condolences to his loved ones. I want you to know that when I think of Tom I remember him as pure joy and he made a difference in my life and the lives of so many others. I wish I could have one of his hugs again.



  14. Kaci Nowak on October 4, 2019 at 7:42 am

    Such a lovely man! Always, always had a smile on his face and a warm greeting!



  15. Nancy Dressler Borst, j79, Marching Jayhawk 1975-1978 on October 4, 2019 at 8:14 am

    In the fall of 1975, I was a nervous freshman waiting for my audition to be a Marching Jayhawk. Mr. Stidham took me into his office and undoubtedly sensed my nervousness. So he calmly said he would get out his trombone (he was a newbie, too, after all) and play along with me. That was the first of many kindnesses I was blessed to received from him as we rehearsed, traveled and performed for four years. He was and is a shining light in my vast sky of KU memories. Thank you to his family for sharing him with us. He will be greatly missed.



  16. Alfred N. "Buzzy" Green on October 4, 2019 at 8:41 am

    Tom was a valuable mentor and friend during my time of study at KU (1987-1980). He and Linda were especially friendly to our young family, including having us in their home, welcoming us to their church, and helping us in every way he could. One of my fondest memories of Tom is watching (and listening) as he played trombone in my doctoral recital rendition of the Stravinsky Octet for wind instruments. With his busy schedule as a band director, he could not play as frequently as he might have liked, but he was at the top his game for every rehearsal and performance.

    In times of difficulty, Tom was always encouraging and always met me with a smile and a hearty greeting. (I can hear him as I write this.) He was willing to chat as friends do, and he was also willing to close the door to offer professional advice in my early career. He travelled to Bolivar, Missouri (about three hours each way) to hear some of my doctoral recitals, and he was eager to do so.

    God blesses us in many ways, and Tom and Linda are among those blessings for me and my family. May family and friends rejoice in their memories of this wonderful man and in the knowledge that Tom is experiencing love and peace that is beyond our understanding.



  17. Kody Willnauer on October 4, 2019 at 10:23 am

    My sincere condolences to the entire Stidham family. I can only be an echo like many who have written who say they were privileged to have Mr. Stidham in their lives like mine.

    I can think of no more beautiful thing a human being can do to his fellow man to share laughter, love, and music with every person they meet. While it may be a time for sadness, I cannot express how happy and lucky I feel to have known Mr. Stidham. He is one of the reasons I am a music educator today.

    God bless to Mrs. Stidham and every Jayhawk that will think of his laughter and hugs from such a wonderful man and smile.

    Kody and Brittani Willnauer



  18. Stacie Lightner on October 4, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    I played in Uni Band under Mr. Stidham’s direction in the late ’90s, and also had undergrad conducting with him–definitely fun times full of learning. I still use his explanation of a 4-beat conducting pattern when I introduce it to kids in choir: “floor, door, window, ceiling! floor, door, window ceiling!”
    As an organ major, I served as the organist at First Southern Baptist for a couple years, which was an incredibly supportive way to get into church music, the field in which I still work. Mr. Stidham would prepare the music for me and leave it taped to his office door so I could practice during the week. He also had to do chauffeur duty on Sunday mornings to get me to church since I didn’t have a car for the first year.
    Aside from his musical guidance, he also could be called on in a pinch when I had automotive trouble. Once when my alternator was failing, he gave me a jump start in the McCollum Hall parking lot. He also jump started my brother’s car on another occasion. I can’t think of another one of my professors that I would have called on for this kind of help–what extraordinary generosity!
    What a blessing to have known Tom Stidham. I will miss him!



  19. Karen Heeb on October 4, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Dear Linda and family—
    Whoever wrote Tom’s obituary did a fabulous job in catching the essence of his life. I was smiling the whole time as I was reading it, knowing also there were peaks and valleys, as well. Family, faith, (and food) were the sustenance of life for Tom and your family. Tom had such an important, caring impact on so many people. My thoughts as I finished reading his obituary was, “What A Wonderful Life.”
    My thoughts and prayers are with all of you as you go through this challenging, yet celebratory time ❤️????
    Karen Heeb



  20. Billy Kearney on October 4, 2019 at 5:08 pm

    Linda, So sorry for the loss of your beloved Tom. My folks thought so much of you both and enjoyed many good times with you. He is up there laughing with Mom now and having a wonderful time. Prayers and love to you.



  21. Sean Abel on October 4, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    I was thinking about Mr. Stidham a lot lately and wish I could have seen him one more time. As I thought about all the conversations I was so glad to have benefitted from, one came to mind. We were talking about stuff and how tired chops got after a long gig. He, as someone that may never have hardly ever tasted alcohol, told a story of stopping in a bar and ordering a beer after a particularly long gig. He said “I didn’t drink it, I just stuck my top lip in it and let the cold beer make it numb. Then I stuck my bottom lip in it until it got numb. Best beer I ever had”

    Now, y’all picture that and giggle, ’cause that’s what he’d like.



  22. Janeen McWilliams on October 5, 2019 at 7:41 am

    Linda and family, I’m so very glad that I got to meet you both and be under Tom’s direction as choir director at Lawrence Free Methodist Church. What an amazing man and loving couple as reflected in the well written obituary. The hugs that I received from Tom after singing a solo at church are counted as one of the greatest compliments I ever received. Praying for you all as you mourn and celebrate Tom’s life.



  23. Sandy Davis on October 5, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    Linda and family,
    I am deeply saddened by the loss of Tom. Every time I meet him anywhere he always said hello and asked how I was. Betty and Ed always consisted him a friend. I love to see and hearing him sing in church. The world has lost a great man. Prayers and thoughts for you and family.



  24. Martha J. Parnell on October 5, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    With much love and sympathy to the Stidham family as well as gratitude for your sharing him with so many students who loved him deeply too. My son Andrew Parnell was one of them while at KU. Note his expression on his Facebook page October 1, 2019 at 9:18 p.m. We are grateful for all that Mr. Stidham meant to Andrew and his band friends, not just then but in all the ensuing years. We also rejoice with you in the fulfillment of Mr. Stidham’s faith. May God bless and comfort you.



  25. Matt White on October 5, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    He was one of the gems at KU. I know no one who had anything bad to say about Tom. Mr. Stidham was all about the welfare of the student. Matt White-“June bug”, percussion, 1982.



  26. Diana Ice on October 6, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    Dave and I give you and your family sincere sympathy in your loss of this wonderful man. I’m so glad we got to know him and you at LFMC. Tom was always a joy to be around. We loved reading the wonderful obituary, in which we learned so much that we didn’t know about him. May God bless you and your family in the coming days.



  27. Jaye George- 81-83 on October 6, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    An infectious smile and a great laugh. He will be missed.



  28. Karin Thompson on October 6, 2019 at 10:39 pm

    Linda,
    I’m so sorry. Tom’s obituary tells the story of a remarkable man who touched more lives than can be counted. While I didn’t know him well, his advice on smoking meat and playing those troublesome low notes on the trombone are treasured memories. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you celebrate this wonderful man. I’m sure your little granddaughter, Charley Anna, was excited to see him in heaven.
    Lots of love,
    Karin



  29. Karl Hassard on October 7, 2019 at 11:04 am

    Associate Professor of Bands Thomas M. Stidham was the finest of stature of a man. Devoutly Christian, caring of everyone around him, his door was always open, figuratively and literally, not just to students to whom he patiently mentored, but to other faculty and friends. Many was the time, long after any Mens’ Basketball game at The University of Kansas that I would find myself compelled to walk up to the pep band bleachers, and strike up a discussion addressing what ever futile antic(s) had been planned by the university and presented before or during the event. Then the banter of jokes and levity would begin. Similarly, after football games, I would be walking back around the hill to my office, which was across the street from his office and I would take a left and walk the half-a-block to his office/band hall; then the volley of ensuing jocularity would often be accompanied the sound of our putting away percussion instrument cases.
    My deepest condolences to his beloved Linda and son Andrew, although– God just wanted his band director back.



  30. Jodi and Jet Dineen on October 7, 2019 at 3:43 pm

    Mrs Stidham- Jet and I just wanted to let you know how truly sorry we are. Jet is truly blessed to have had you in life and we all appreciate everything you did for him. We want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Much love- Jodi and Jet Dineen



  31. JD Cleavinger on October 9, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    Linda Mark Scott Marci
    My sincere sorrow for YOUR – Our loss
    Tom “what a Guy” influenced the lives of many and will be missed by many
    P.S. Sorry I will miss visiting with Y’all
    I will be out of town attending family commitment



  32. Trent Georgie on October 11, 2019 at 3:28 am

    Linda, Scott, Marci and my brother from another mother Mark.
    I’m so sorry for your loss and pray that you all feel God’s peace come over in knowing Tom (“Pops”) is smiling and telling a funny story and grubbin’ on some good BBQ or a Pecan Pie from my grandmother. He was a wonderful example for us “Young’ns growing up. He always made us feel like his own and loved us as we were. Growing up with Mark (as a brother) and riding around in one of his dad’s VW’s helped me love and appreciate the humbleness of driving one (still today). I will forever remember the way he taught Mark how to “gourmet up” a frozen burrito by adding shredded cheese and a packet of Taco Bell sauce. I thank Tom for all the warm memories (too many to list) I have of him and the smiles that caress my heart as I think about them. May God Bless you “POPS”



  33. Scott Sportsman on October 11, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Mrs. Stidham, Mark, Scott, Marci.
    I am very sorry to hear of the passing of Mr. Stidham, I have so many good memories with him in them. He was a very fine man that positively influenced many, many people throughout his life, including mine. I am very sorry for your loss. He was such a great guy!



  34. Dane Robinson on October 11, 2019 at 7:21 pm

    Mark,
    I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. When I was attending the College of the Ozarks, we held a band festival and your dad came and judged the bands. I always enjoyed seeing your dad when he attended. Whenever I would see he and your mom at Culvers, he would come up and say hi.

    I’m very sorry that I won’t be able to attend his celebration of life, but your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Dane Robinson



  35. Janice Kleck on October 12, 2019 at 2:13 pm

    Dearest Linda… I recall you and Tom visiting my home on Hilton Head Island. Such a joy to meet you and Tom. David Spillman, your wonderful brother and lovely Debra brought you and Tom to see our hard work on a foreclosure… I realized at that visit how blessed you and Tom were in your lives… so much love .. laughter and incredible talent God bestowed on just the two of you. Amazing the impact you both had and the guidance you two provided to so many young lives!!! The last sentence resonates in my heart “A Life Well Lived”.
    Much love and prayers for strength in the coming weeks. Please visit Debra and come back to visit me in Paradise Found as soon as you like.. you are always welcome here with us! God Bless!



  36. Wayne Adrian King on June 20, 2023 at 6:06 pm

    I met Mr. Stidham when I was a junior in high school in Wrightsville, Georgia. I attended the Georgia Southern College’s summer band camp in 1972. I was so impressed with him that I enrolled in GSC the following summer as a music major. My “Applied” instrument was baritone horn so he automatically became my advisor, band director and applied private teacher. I studied privately under him. He introduced me to Frank Rosolino, The Savannah Symphony (as an extra), Georgia Southern basketball pep band and Bob Hope. (As lead trumpet player in the GSC Jazz ensemble) One day towards the end of my freshman year, I was sitting in his office, yes next to his desk as we often did after a lesson, and we were talking. He looked at me and said “Wayne, I have something to tell you. You’re a fine young musician and I know you are going to do well. He said that in the past my race, being black, would have made it difficult for me in this business. But if you get a ‘Good” degree from this school, in the future it will be your greatest asset.” Then he told me that he was leaving for Baylor University in route to KU to work with his dear friend, Robert Foster of the famed “Sound Power” series. I cried.
    In life, band directors and musicians have influences that make up who they are and who they become. I am a retired band director now and I am often told that I was good at rudimental fundamentals. How I think, act, and my style was all attributed to influences along the way. Mr. Stidham has and always will be a part of who I am. My teacher, my adopted white father lol and my friend. RIP and I Thank God for making him a part of my life.



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